


Team Voltron’s Alternate Reality Experiences, Part I

by Nova_Cain



Series: Polydin Crackfics: Reacting to Fandom edition [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura doesn't want this for any of us, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Team Voltron reacts to the fandom, crackfic, i'm being petty but also doing it for the lolz, polydins react to fandom discourse, polydins researching alternate realities, pro humanity, pro shaladin, this is how I'm dealing with the discourse currently, why would you do that, you have made Allura cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 13:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12582716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Cain/pseuds/Nova_Cain
Summary: BECAUSE I AM TOO TIRED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ADD IMAGES.....the beginning of the piece is basically me copy/pasting a post from tumblr, but without the user's name for privacy purposes. If you wanna know who it was just click the link at the end of the work.Seriously go look. It's ridiculous. And kinda funny.





	Team Voltron’s Alternate Reality Experiences, Part I

**Author's Note:**

> BECAUSE I AM TOO TIRED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ADD IMAGES.....the beginning of the piece is basically me copy/pasting a post from tumblr, but without the user's name for privacy purposes. If you wanna know who it was just click the link at the end of the work.
> 
> Seriously go look. It's ridiculous. And kinda funny.

# Concept: The Office Voltron Au

  * Idk man just picture this:



‘People shipping incest, pedophilia and abuse’:  **keith looking at the camera**

‘Rise up propaganda posters’:  **keith and lance looking at the camera**

‘Hunk being treated like shit’:  **keith, pidge and lance looking at the camera**

‘Lance being whitewashed’:  **keith, lance, pidge and hunk look at the camera**

‘lgbtq+ baiting’:  **keith, shiro, lance, hunk and pidge looking at the camera, _standing up and leaving_**

 

 

 

Lance leaned back in his seat until he almost fell out of it, but he hardly noticed. (Shiro’s reached out from behind him to steady the chair anyway). He could only stare at the ceiling and wait for his mind to process the post he just read on Pidge’s laptop.

“Allura…. are you  _sure_  this is real?” Hunk asked from where he sat on the other side of Pidge. Keith was leaning against him, while Coran and Allura crowded directly behind Pidge.

“Quite certain, Hunk. But like Pidge and I said, it’s still from that other reality.”

“Yeah the shitty one where some people…. uh, “antis,” treat others like shit online over fictional stuff, right?” Keith’s head was halfway turned toward Allura, but his eyes were glued to the incredibly detailed fanart that Pidge had just found of him cuddling between Shiro and Lance… post coitus, according to the caption. All the interesting nsfw bits were covered by a black blanket, but there was no way he didn’t notice how flushed their skin looked. And he wasn’t the only one. Pidge sighed and removed her hand from her mouse, letting the image take up the screen so that Shiro and Lance could admire it silently.

“Yup, that’s the one,” Pidge said in answer to Keith’s question. “I find it fascinating how they’re so concerned with all these debates over fiction when they could be focusing on actual real life events instead.”

“I think I’ve read enough alternate-reality discourse to last for the rest of my life. Dunno how long that’ll be though, considering  _we’re_   _in a_   _war_ and everything.” 

Hunk snorted and placed a hand on Keith’s hip, pulling his friend closer with the intention of giving Keith a solid hug to soothe him.

Keith folded his arms over his chest, choosing to stay where he was, but he did nestle in closer to Hunk’s side. Pidge wasn’t surprised by the glare he was giving her computer. The poor guy had just shaken his head during today’s Alternate Reality Exploration session, muttering  _“This doesn’t have to be complicated”_  at each escalated incident of hate and death threats that they found.

When Pidge had uncovered the Needle Cookies incident, she could feel the steam radiating from the Red Paladin. A few minutes after that and they were reading through what these bloggers called “receipts,” most of them involving menacing threats of bodily harm towards “pro shippers”… including graphic images of genital mutilation. She didn’t think she had ever seen Keith’s knuckles go so pale as he gripped his knife that – mercifully – remained sheathed the entire time.

 

~

 

_Poor Allura had openly wept at the violence and unapologetic hate that she saw the humans throwing at one another from behind the barriers and relative safety of their screens. Coran had tried to usher her away, but she stood firm and refused to turn a blind eye to these horrors._

_“I was hoping this would be a good educational experience… so that we could learn more about alternate realities from a safe distance while Coran and I learned more about Earthen culture….This is not what I expected at all.”_

_“This isn’t the best part of Humanity, I can tell you that for sure, Princess,” Shiro said as he hugged Allura. The rest of the team joined, enfolding each other in a supportive embrace until they were ready to let go. After that, Pidge offered to scroll through the more positive tags, and show Allura all the good things that could come from these communities when they worked like they were meant to. There were the occasional passive aggressive posts like the one above that they saw, but other than that, it was now a more enjoyable time for everyone._

_It certainly spoke to the wonders of filtering and blacklisting, and outright avoiding what they didn’t like or want to see._

 

~

 

“Now you know what’s  _ridiculous_? Ages.” Lance’s words were barely understandable around the mouthful of space popcorn he was chewing. Shiro lightly tapped him on the head and Lance went quiet just long enough to swallow. “The discussion of ages is ridiculous. These people are making  _great art_ and it says I’m like, 25, in this one. I look hot as fuck and _I love it.”_

Lance gestured vaguely toward Pidge’s computer with the next fistful of popcorn he was about to shove into his mouth. Shiro had gotten tired of standing and was now sitting in his seat with the tanned boy curled in his lap. Pidge had almost disowned both of them for taking the laptop from her when she was distracted, but since Shiro was the one scrolling while Lance fed him, Pidge didn’t argue. They were abiding by the Second Commandment of Pidge:  _Don’t Touch My Shit With Dirty Hands, Lance._

“Very hot. And very naked.” Shiro mused.

“A sheer robe isn’t naked, Shiro. It’s tastefully revealing.”

Lance was jostled a bit as their leader shrugged and said, “Might as well be naked.”

Keith sniggered from where he sat in the middle of a braiding chain with Pidge, Allura, and Hunk as Lance choked on his popcorn. Pidge groaned with sudden anger but didn’t move as Keith plaited her hair back. Still, that didn’t stop her mouth from going off. Again.

“They said I’m a child. A CHILD. Not my fault I’m short. God, people assuming age based on the height of the vertically challenged is why we can’t have nice things. I’M 18 IN THIS REALITY YOU FUCKS.”

Lance whispered something in Shiro’s ear, and while the older man blushed deeply, his fingers moved faster across the keyboard.

“Hey hey hey!” Pidge’s raised voice definitely reached them but they didn’t look over. She would have gotten up to monitor them but Keith kept a firm grip on her hair, muttering a dark  _“Babe I’m not finished with you yet”_ that kept her butt rooted to the cushion in his lap. “If you idiots save anything, make sure it goes to  _your assigned folder._ And check for viruses please.”

 

~

 

“So what ship would we be in?” Pidge asked Shiro. She was lying on the floor with her head in his lap, and he slowly teased out the plaits Keith had made so he could run his fingers through her hair. The computer had been passed off to Allura, the only one she currently trusted it with. Lance had gotten carried away with fanart search-and-saves and had been hording the damn thing, Keith was too much of a backseat browser, and Hunk was currently cuddling with Coran on the sofa as they discussed castle maintenance.

“Wouldn’t that be Shidge?” Shiro asked.

“Nah, too problematic.” Lance joked from behind his facemask. Keith chuckled and stole a cucumber from his eye, biting down on it with a satisfying crunch as Lance looked on, mortified at the heathen he was still trying to convert.

“Dammit Keith, you’re supposed to wear them. Put your mask on already.”

“Can’t. Painting my nails.” Keith punctuated his statement by bopping Lance’s green nose with the thin brush, leaving a deep purple dot on the facemask.

“Doesn’t the ship depend on the chemistry of the characters involved?” Hunk commented from behind Coran’s arms.

“Well in this reality, we’re not characters. We’re just people.” Allura mused.

“So I guess it just doesn’t matter?” Lance asked, both eyes open now that Keith had eaten his other cucumber slice. He looked out at his teammates for confirmation.

“Does anything really matter?” Keith asked in a theatrically grave tone. He returned Pidge’s air-five and blew her a kiss before returning his attention to his nails.  _Right hand now, steady Keith, steady…_

Lance took the brush and Keith’s uncoated hand and began applying it for him. He pretended not to notice Keith’s grateful look for only a moment, then he winked at him. “I got you buddy.”

"I suppose we’ll have to leave this conversation for another time,” Allura said. “After we’ve had more time to think about it.”

“Same here. Right now I just want to enjoy Coran’s cuddles a bit more.” Hunk said, making the Altean in his arms laugh.

“Just remember, it ain’t that deep fam,” Pidge said as she chose a spot in the corner of the room and stared at it meaningfully. There were ten precious moments of silence before Shiro interrupted her.

“Uh, Pidge? What are you doing?”

“I’m staring at a camera like in the office for another reality to see. Someone has to be watching this shitshow from somewhere,” she explained.

“HEY! My love for y’all ain’t a shitshow.” Keith exclaimed.

“I can’t believe I can still love you after  _what just came from your mouth, Keith,”_ Lance grumbled. “But Pidge has got a point.”

A few seconds later (and after some shuffling on Hunk and Coran’s part), they were all staring at the same spot on the wall, directly into the camera like in the office, from which I’ve been looking in on them this whole time. The scene fades to black, and we are all reminded that fiction is not reality, it’s not that deep fam, and that all ships sail on the sea of imagination.

~

 

[Here be the link to the original post with my additon](http://ruledeargremlinchild.tumblr.com/post/166988528816/koganer-concept-the-office-voltron-au-idk-man)

**Author's Note:**

> Am I looking for a fight? No.  
> I'm just here to vent my frustrations in a creative and harmless way, and get a laugh or two out of it.  
> If you like my other fics but have a problem with this work, I'm hoping it won't drive you away, but you do whatever is most comfortable for you. <3
> 
>  
> 
> If you want to have a civil discussion about anything though hmu. I'm down for it.  
> If you feel like just leaving hate, go for it.  
> Y'ain't scary at all, kiddo.
> 
> -Ren/Cain/Zaddy/etc.


End file.
